August 8th 2010-The Family Reunion

I'm so numb. Everytime I go back to Long Island. A piece of myself is gone. I miss/hate L.I. I still can't believe that all the farm land is gone. No true long island from the past will be on long island soon. The only ppl that will remain there are rich yuppies. It's gone,my old life is gone. I'm living a post war life now. I never wanted to really grow-up. I knew if I did,my childhood life would be gone and all things that made me happy would die and blow away. I'm truely an ophan now. no real freinds. All my wuppose friends are govern to greed/lust. It makes me ill. My family is still the same way. Money buys you happiness. My Uncle Georgie even wanted my pit pass to the indy 500 2010 to keep. I just wanted to show them. Then my aunt marion says"Say do you know it was Wy judds pass?" I don't know. I can just go by what my friend Jerry Borden the tour bus driver said. But 1 thing for sure is,who's ever it was,I have it and you do not. I wish I had won the lottery for millions.Then I could live in a fortress/shut out the world. My Cousin Nancy telling me no one will come to any wedding of mine if I don't have it on L.I. That hurt. Only 1 cousin ever invited me to a wedding and that was little Joans. I was ever invited to anyone else. Why? Greed/Jealousy/My folks who the hell knows. Oh for the love of krama help me. I'm not a bad person,I'm just ugly/loud. I have a kind heart and hurt for animals. I have seen others do greater wrongs in the world and the world forgave them. Wrongs have been done to me.I have stood by ppl in need. I hate to lie,even through I lied big time to my parents. I can't change the past. I just want the hurting to stop. Money/and( ) are the only way.