August 8th 2010-The Family Reunion

I'm so numb. Everytime I go back to Long Island. A piece of myself is gone. I miss/hate L.I. I still can't believe that all the farm land is gone. No true long island from the past will be on long island soon. The only ppl that will remain there are rich yuppies. It's gone,my old life is gone. I'm living a post war life now. I never wanted to really grow-up. I knew if I did,my childhood life would be gone and all things that made me happy would die and blow away. I'm truely an ophan now. no real freinds. All my wuppose friends are govern to greed/lust. It makes me ill. My family is still the same way. Money buys you happiness. My Uncle Georgie even wanted my pit pass to the indy 500 2010 to keep. I just wanted to show them. Then my aunt marion says"Say do you know it was Wy judds pass?" I don't know. I can just go by what my friend Jerry Borden the tour bus driver said. But 1 thing for sure is,who's ever it was,I have it and you do not. I wish I had won the lottery for millions.Then I could live in a fortress/shut out the world. My Cousin Nancy telling me no one will come to any wedding of mine if I don't have it on L.I. That hurt. Only 1 cousin ever invited me to a wedding and that was little Joans. I was ever invited to anyone else. Why? Greed/Jealousy/My folks who the hell knows. Oh for the love of krama help me. I'm not a bad person,I'm just ugly/loud. I have a kind heart and hurt for animals. I have seen others do greater wrongs in the world and the world forgave them. Wrongs have been done to me.I have stood by ppl in need. I hate to lie,even through I lied big time to my parents. I can't change the past. I just want the hurting to stop. Money/and( ) are the only way.

April 17,2010 saturday night 12:11am

Hello world, I just found out how really evil and vicious people can be. Facebook can help and hurt you. I asked one little thing about Duane Stearns. About how much his mortgage was.

 Now he could have said. "I wish not to disgust this." But I believe all things for a reason. I wrote him an e-mail about his sister-in-law/my ex friend. Mrs. Amy Stockwell-Stearns. Told him what she said at my poor mothers wake. Hello Cunt. It's not about you. It's about my mom. My mom got 1 thing right about Ms Amy. She was and is no good. It's much what I said in the e-mail. That she was mad at me about me having sex with a guy she really liked and wanted to marry. But Amy like her Hubby Mike.
 Like to play the field. Amy, it really doesn't matter. See when I had an affair everyone left me,and they took took everything. Money was a big thing. I told Duane her true colors. Amy is pissed because she married poor and her 2 friends Rochelle/Brigit don't have to work. They married well.
Truth be told, people have always told me to shut up and be quiet. Who is Amy to tell me what to say and write and do. Donny said it best. wha wha. I deserve better. No one reads my blog, so I can write pretty much anything. My Fault is I try to help people. I felt sorry for amy. But if I helped Rochelle or anyone else. The cat crawls came out.

Thursday April 15-2010

Well it's 1:48 am on this cold early morning. in April. I turned 50 on Easter Sunday this yr. Big deal. My parents are both dead. My 2 younger brothers are @ war with me. I my mom's family is fueding over money. That's nothing new. I thought when I was 50, I was going to be married with grown kids and mabe a grand kids or 2 and my life would be on L.I. Oh how worng I was for day dreaming in 3rd grade. Yeah,that's pretty much how I went though school. DREAMING.

I scared of dieing alone,or Donny throwing me out like Gus did with his mom. Bitch, never cared about her SON from age 9 up. Then Bang! I have an affair(so did her son)and they are calling the cops and my folks to evict me. What balls, they have. All the head games. But enough of that night.

I'm going to an Celebrity Bus Drivers Acadmey in June for 3 days. To learn if I have what it takes to be one of these elite drivers. Ok,so I know I can drive these monsters on wheels. The inner making of them is overwhelming. You have to have a PHD is generators/AC/Plumbing/Satelite Systems/invertors and lord knows what else. If I bomb,I don't remember shit. Or if I don't impress the panel of people they have. I won't get to drive one of these gaints,much less get a dream job of a life time. I was made to drive big impressive machines. Some ppl are born to be stars/I'm a driver to the drive.

If I don't do well that $1,000.00 gone plus $500.00 in motel and diesel fuel.

It was a very busy day

I'm so thankful today was warm out. I order the Easter/my Birthday cake. Yes Easter falls on my 50th B-Day this year. I cleaned Donny Grill, toook me 3 hours. It's still need some more work. Tomorrow I'll wash/detail my 97' 4x4 pick-up "Leviathan" If it's nice out. I am going to really miss my truck. I thought i was going to keep it for 10 more yrs/repaint it. If i had the money. Donny says his yukon is on it's last legs. So it's time to get a later truck. Beside I don't really need a truck. If I get a job work for an Emtertainment Coach Co. The truck would just sit in the parking for weeks. This way Donny can drive me to the company and drop me off. You really need to save where you can. Donny really did pay off my truck,so it's really his. Not to many men would pay-off a spouses payments. I really don't ask for much. I really don't want much. Just to have good health/love from my family/friends. Maybe another Appaloosa/Dog-Mutt

March 9-2010 Still moving forward

I am still moving forward in my quest/dream about being an Entertainment Coach driver. I have talk to people in this field. Most say it's a hard/stressfull job. Well I say I have being done hard/thankless jobs since I was 6. Most people work because it pays the bills. Or I am waiting till something else better comes along. I have work for 4 bus companies. All have been at the bottom of the barrel. Old,crappy, no heat, hard steering buses. Most broke down in the middle of a run. So you learn to deal with it. People yelling at you. "Why are you late,what happen to you?" and so fouth. It's all part of a job. Any job. I treat people the way I would like to be treated. Yes,money plays a big roll in myself seeking a job in this field. But why I really wanna to it, is I'll be among the best in the business. The best professional drivers in the world. What an honor to be driving the most important people in the world. It's like being a Marine. This industry only wants the very,very best. I know if given one chance,I will try my darnest to be one of these few drivers.

Another "No Go" about a job as an Entertainment Coach driver

I thought I may have had a job driving a coach to L.I. ny to oyster bay. I was going with another driver to do a 2 day straight drive to raliegh N.C. and dead head back to Harrisburg. Pa. It's because I haven't driven from May 2005-till the present 03-2010.

I hope very soon it will happen. I am trying to make contact with ppl in the industry. Like everything else you want a need to know. No one really wants to talk to you. I have spent over $1,000.00 in the past 3 yrs. Now in june of this yr 2010 I will spend $1,000.00 on june 2-4 to learn what makes up a Prevost coach on Brentwood TN.

I may have my 1st job as an Enterainment Coach Driver

I may have a lead on my very first driving job as an ECD. Let's hope this one doesn't fall though.

Monday - February-22-2010

What can I say. In the few months,I have buried my mother age 85 on 10-24-2009.
Her older sister, my Aunt Tine on 02-12-2010. Fighting my 2 younger brothers Kevin, Robin over her estate. I should have gotten 1/3 of her estate. My father and brothers saw to it that I wouldn't.

Growing up in a disfuctional home wasn't the easiest thing for any child to endor. I manage to make it out alive with tons of battle scars.